Less than a week ago I had a rather hair raising adventure. It was one of those adventures I TRULY could do without, uncomfortable would be an understatement as to how to classify it, so I have dubbed it “hair raising”.

Looking back, the oddity is that I’ve had similar experiences in the past, but it’s been a very VERY long time, yet the intensity of this one hit me like a ton of bricks, causing an anxiety attack that brought about gut wrenching sobs.

It started, the night before, at least that’s when I was aware that it had started. The next morning my husband found me curled up in my step-daughters bedroom (she still has a room here for when she wants to spend the night or, spend extra time with us, etc) So my poor husband thought he’d done something wrong. I reassured him that he hadn’t, and did the best I could to explain what was going on.

When I got in the shower to get ready for work, the noise of THAT bothered me SO much, it frustrated the bejeebers out of me. After I got out of the shower I began pacing, wondering what in the hell was going on. I remember at one point trying to shake it off, as though it was making my skin crawl, the anxiety level was that high.

I sent an email off to my supervisor that I was running late, due to an internal traffic jam. No sooner had I hit send, my anxiety level heightened, guilt set in only making it worse, and within seconds my internal traffic jam became a unrelenting roadblock. It was almost as if “internally” I had just slammed into a mack truck.

Knowing at that point I was going to be even more delayed, Sobbing with each keystroke & with every ounce of strength in me, I sent out a second email to my supervisor. “More like a darned road block, trying to work it out”. The “f” word would have been a more fitting descriptive word to use for the situation, but I couldn’t bring myself to that level outside of my head. Funny how some things just won’t come out eh?

I did everything I could possibly think of to get myself out of it, phoned several of my “personal support team” if you will, and got voicemail everywhere. I didn’t leave messages, I simply could not handle it. Eventually I decided to take a second shower, rather a way of starting the day over if you will. Music & writing are 2 of my favorite and treasured wellness tools… In my head as I headed in for that second shower was what I decided to sing as I got in;

“I’ve got the power, to get in the shower”

I don’t know how long I was in that shower, but I added to that first line as it came in bits & spurts. The tears really started to flow somewhere along the line and I was really glad that there was nobody home to hear my uncontrollable sobs, I didn’t try to hold it in as I would have done once upon a time, I just let it flow. Those tears made it into my lyrics…

I’ve got the power, to get in the shower…
Fake it til you make it is what they say,
And I can do quite good on most any bad day,
But sometimes it seems that it’s harder than hell,
 No matter WHAT you do, you’re still not feelin well.

Then before to long you’re caught in a jam,
 When suddenly you find yourself in la la land Singin
 La La LaLa La La, La La LaLa La La La La
 La La LaLa La La, La La LaLa La La La La
 Gettin Jiggy Wit It… Freakin!

Totally tweakin and I started to cry
 Just lettin it go as I wondered why…

There are bits and pieces of the words I came up with that have totally escaped my mind… I catch glimpses every now and then, but am never quite quick enough to grab ahold of them. Perhaps it’s enough that I’ve remembered as much as I did.

Not long after I had gotten out of that second shower, I got a call back from one of my personal supporters, despite the fact I hadn’t left a message. She listened without judgement, we brainstormed over some of the possible causes, and by the end of the call I was emotionally & physically drained. I had crawled back under the covers as we talked, and once the call ended I had decided some extensive self care was what this day called for; soothing music, some warm tea, and perhaps a nap – at home, Gave myself permission to do the best possible thing for me, and sent off the final email of the day to my supervisor; informing her of my plan for the day, and my needs for a better day the next.

Several hours later I had a post op for appointment regarding some oral surgery I’d had the week before. Leaving from my appointment I noticed a billboard with the following quote:

 “All work and no play, creates for us an early grave,
ME Time is Essential”

Though I’m still experiencing some difficulty I DID make it to work the next day, despite the fact that I overslept. Ordinarily, this would have caused me to hit the ground running. So I did the next best thing, I calmly & methodically went about readying myself for the day to ensure that #1, I would make it to work, and #2, I wouldn’t be all stressed when I arrived.

I’m hoping this will all blow over soon, but in the meantime, I have an appointment with my doctor early in the week to have some tests run as a precautionary measure.

Do you experience hyper-sensitivity to noise and such? Does it leave you unable to think clearly, formulate a thought, or cause you to overthink or overfocus? If so, is there anything in particular that you’ve found helpful that you feel comfortable sharing with another straggler in this Journey of Life?

Silliness USUALLY works for me on just about everything – with one exception that I’m aware of…. THIS incident, and it’s continuing effects…

The Essential “ME Time” – One Days Remedy for a Dreadful Noise
©Sue Anderson, All Rights Reserved 2011
An-ders-(S)on-shine, Silliness, Stories, Legends, Laughter, & Love™
It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. Ps.18:32