Ever feel like there’s a war going on in your mind? Not the military sort, but the kind that is like a negative fight against the positive thoughts you’re trying to think.
If you have ever experienced this type of war, welcome to the human race. You, my friend, are not alone.
Years ago I had a couple of friends who for all intents and purposes “had it all together”. I envied that, and wondered, like you probably do, “Why does it seem SO MUCH HARDER for me?”. Imagine my surprise when I learned that the appearance of “having it all together”, was simply their way of not letting others in on the fact that they were struggling. One gal, shared with me that “she ensured she looked perfectly put together on the outside, so that nobody would ever guess the amount of chaos that was going on inside.” It wasn’t meant to trick anyone, but it was in a sense, a mask.
I wondered, for the longest time, why anyone would feel the need to wear a mask of sorts. And then one day I realized that for years, I had worn one too and I didn’t even know it.
For me, being raised a child of an alcoholic taught me a set of coping skills. It wasn’t until I read the book “Perfect Daughters” by Robert J. Ackerman, PhD that I started to see the mask I’d worn. I had tried from an early age, to be “perfect”, thinking that if I could do so, then perhaps I might get the love and acceptance I so desired from my Mom, the alcoholic in our family.
Eventually, I found my way to acceptance of myself, which freed me to no end. I had to learn to embrace the person God created me to be; a person who could never live up to her quest for perfection. I had to learn that God didn’t need me to be perfect; moreso that He didn’t even expect it.
Was it easy? Nope, not even close!
How long did it take? That’s a darn good question, and to be honest, I’m not sure I’m completely there yet, don’t know that I ever will be, and I’m okay with that.
So wait, you still struggle? Yup! I’ve accepted myself, I’m okay with not being perfect, but there are LOTS of times that I still find myself picking up old habits. Funny thing is, I think it’s perfectly natural.
Wait, Wait, Wait! What about the mask? Well that now, that’s the difference. I think! Confusing right? Let’s put it this way. I’m more open with my feelings and what’s going on with me I think than I was as a child, and especially as a young adult. Simply put, I refuse to allow the quest for perfection to get the better of me. Instead, I try to recognize my strengths for what they are, weaknesses too.
If any of this resonates with you, if you’ve felt that burning desire to be perfect, for whatever reason, let it go. Just let it go. That my friend is too big of a weight to carry, it will weigh you down as it did me. Let the mask of perfectionism go.
Inside a giggle bubbles up, at the idea of these masks being flung off. It’s the giggle of freedom. Do you feel it?
Picture me, cheering you on as you let the mask fall to the ground, releasing the chains of perfectionism.
©Sue Anderson
Certifiably Silly & Positively Amazing TOO!
By perseverance the snail reached the ark. ~C.H. Spurgeon
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